Comfortably Uncomfortable

Brad and I have been working hard to pay down debt and really work on a budget. It's going well and we've tackled a lot that makes each month easier to enjoy. We set aside 10% and put it in our giving fund so that if we find someone or some cause that has a need, no problem, just give! It's great and really freeing...and then it's not.

The more I give, the harder it is to pass someone who needs something and not feel like I could do more. Last Sunday, I was getting a treat. Brad decided to take the boys out for a movie which meant I had at least the next two and a half hours to myself. I sat down and watched mindless TV. I picked the house up a bit and it stayed that way, and I decided to treat myself to a Target run. It was a rainy Sunday and I think everyone had run to Target just to have something to do.

That's when I saw him. Wearing a coat that wasn't keeping off much rain, and sharing a sign that said, "1 wife, 2 kids. No money for the bills." And I started to think, "God, why do you do this to me?" Here I was just trying to have a relaxing, carefree time without my kids and now I've got to decide if I think this man is worthy of my money. We have all been there. What if they just use the cash for booze and cigarettes? Why hasn't this person gone through the vast assortment of helplines our city offers? Why do I have to make this decision?

See, I'm a Christ-follower and these questions always cross my mind but almost in a nano-second the words from Jesus also flood my brain, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me." And then I look ahead at all the people heading into Target to spend endless dollars on the dollar bin, a Starbucks drink, and many things that were not a need but a want. Heck, that was what I was going in for, just a want, because I can, I have no worries if my bills will get paid this month. And that's when I realized, if the man was still there, I had to just err on the side of love. I didn't have a lot of cash but I had $10. I will admit I spent much more than that in Target and didn't bat an eye.

I've had these same predicaments a lot lately. I see a lot of patients that are homeless and when you hear there stories, there's just so much hurt. Even the ones who do drugs and booze, there's a child of God under all the substances. When we went to San Francisco and the beggars on the street were everywhere, it was almost paralyzing. The least of these keep showing up in my comfortable life and making me uncomfortable. I could choose to ignore them, but I can't. I just don't see anywhere in scripture that makes it clear to leave these people behind. In fact, I think the disciples were probably uncomfortable all the time with this Jesus. He would stop for lepers and prostitutes. He would tell stories about those that society left behind. He's changed me. And as much as I don't like it, handing that man $10 and praying for him as I drove away through the murky afternoon, made me realize that maybe he wasn't going to use that money for good, but maybe Jesus could use that money through him to do something good. That was my prayer.

These next few weeks are particularly hard for me because the American expectation is to spend, spend, spend. I like to do it too because I'm buying for other people and it makes me feel good. But I know that none of my people are truly in need. And when I think of all those that just want a warm place to sleep or socks that cover their feet, I can't help but feel guilty. That's the other emotion that isn't fun to experience. I work hard to have the money I have, but if I tell the truth to myself, I have more than I need and there's a bit more to go around. I'm living a comfortably uncomfortable life. It's the life that devoting myself to Christ has prompted me into. So you can call me naive or think it's stupid for me to give the bum a buck, but I challenge you to take a little and figure out how that little could go a long way. And maybe more of a challenge, look someone in the face and give them a little of your time and money. Tip that waitress a hefty $50 and leave a note saying, "hoping this helps with your holiday!" We do this around Christmas every year and I love watching the reactions! Because when you do onto the least of these and see how proud you've made God, it's hard not to feel the glory of the kingdom here on Earth! Living the comfortably uncomfortable life isn't easy but it's clear that my uncomfortable-ness is nothing compared to the plight of some of my brothers and sisters in this world. So, I'm just getting more comfortable with being uncomfortable!