The weather predictions this week have been a great source
of fodder. The main reason is the forecast has included several predictions of
inches of snow and ice that have skirted to the north of us 4 out of 5 days
this week. So yesterday evening, I and two of my girlfriends decided to ignore
the impending weather reports and have a dinner out (to discuss planning VBS,
but really it was for the dinner out!).
We picked a seat not very close to any
windows, didn’t notice the packed store we had entered was dwindling in their
patronage, and didn’t even realize the hot bar was being cleared an hour and a
half early. The predictions had come true, and we were in for it!
I live the farthest from our dinner place, up two steep
hills and winding roads. My three winters driving on the great white roads of
Michigan did not prepare me for the elevation changes and ice that southern
snow storms like to throw at you. As we started toward the first stop of three
to return our dinner pals home, it became quite clear that the roads were slick
and as a now minivan owner, I knew the hills of Tennessee were winning tonight!
We didn’t even make it a quarter mile into my friend’s sub-division before the
backsliding began. She decided to trudge through the snow in her slipper shoes,
because we of course wanted to look good when we went out for dinner! And she
made it home in good time. That left two of us!
As we continued back toward house #2, the probability of us
making it up the necessary ridges were slim to none. And we had to really go the bathroom. So a quick stop at a
relative’s further down the hill was necessary and welcome. We would hoof it
the rest of the way to the house, the parking spot for my car. At this point,
it was clear I wasn’t getting home. This was somewhat frustrating because all
this week, I’ve been taking extra precaution to ensure that my family and I
were safe in this nasty southern winter weather, but when it really came to
fruition, I was the one who didn’t make it home!
So, while my boys watched Star Wars for the first time (I’m
sure Bennett will be acting like a Storm Trooper for the next 6 months of his
life), I was hunkering down at my girlfriend’s house. I was looking forward to
a snow-day with my boys on Saturday, but that wouldn’t happen because the roads
weren’t supposed to get better until around 11 or 12 that morning. I couldn’t
help but feel guilty because I didn’t prepare enough, because my plans didn’t
work out, because I didn’t get to see my kiddos before bedtime last night. And
while the adventure of it all was fun and those two other women are the most
fun to be with in a snowstorm, I still was the one left out. I didn’t make it
home to see my family. Just me.
This whole incident has confirmed that I am a control freak.
I like to have a plan and I like that plan to go my way. To the viewing public,
I act like it’s all good and I’m so cool because I take change in stride, but
on the inside there’s a little voice saying, “I’m losing it! No control=no
power=what else could spin out of my grasp?” I cannot control the weather. In
fact, thanks to some wise words from Grandmother, my boys have been saying,
“The weatherman can’t control the weather, only God can.” And they are right. I
have as much control over most things as the weatherman! I can predict ten
possible outcomes (all in my favor, of course) and the end result is completely
different.
My life has been full of this: my ideals and desires and
plans, and God throwing a slippery road into the mix, completely changing the trajectory
of my life. I see this constant tug-of-war in my desire to follow God, but also
to have a 10 year plan. I want stability and foresight for my children, so I
ignore the voice of faith that says, “Come and follow me” and I trudge through
the slippery roads trying to follow my own path. I want my future to be clear,
not to be called. I want to live with certainty, not by faith. I want to say,
“I’m not equipped for this next thing, I think I won’t do it!” and God says, “I
didn’t ask for an expert, I asked for you!” I wish so many of us would leave
our agendas, plans, and procedures at the door and just go out on the limb of
faith a little more. I wish it for myself, I wish it for my church, I wish it
for my friends and family. We have been convinced that we can drive on our
slippery plans and make it to our destination without any problems. We don’t
consider the blessing it could be to stop and rest and wait for the road to
clear, to take comfort in the home of friend, or our Savior and allow our plans
and power to be turned over to him.
We saw a car do
donuts off the highway last night, I wonder how often God watches me spin in
circles? I just don’t get why he keeps me on any path, really! I like to do my
own thing so often, if I were the parent, I’d be crazy. That’s why God’s God,
and I am not! So, instead of just taking it upon myself to tackle the hazardous
road conditions of life on my own, I think I’m going to climb into the
passenger seat a while, put the trust in the fact that God has navigated me to
places that were filled with more blessings than I could have ever imagined on
my own, and stop being so concerned about getting home, and just realize that
adventure and the journey are part of it too!
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