Getting rejected is never fun. I realize that it shouldn’t affect me and I shouldn’t get as upset about it at this point in my life. I remember several of my high school crushes not returning the admiration I had for them…rejection. I remember getting told I wasn’t going to be in the sorority I had preffed…rejection. I also remember a few weeks ago when I submitted an article to a magazine and they said, “Thank you. But this won’t work for us right now. “ Rejection. So as you can see, being rejected in lots of different ways has left lasting stings along the way. I don’t think anyone is particularly thrilled with hearing, “You didn’t do enough” or “You aren't the right one.” These times in our life really drill in deep and they can be a crossroads, of sorts.
Regjections stick out like sore thumbs to me, because in all
honesty, I have been accepted in many instances for most of my life. I had good friends in
childhood and my teen years. I got into the college of my dreams. I was
accepted into a sorority and while I thought I wasn’t going to enjoy it, I made
friends that I still cherish today. I’ve been picked for sports teams.
And I also didn’t get rejected by the one guy that mattered. Even typing this
right now, I think, “Why are you complaining?” But the truth is, it doesn’t
matter what form it comes in, rejection hurts.
I know as a parent I will have to deal with my kids facing rejection. My
boys are pretty awesome, but I know that there will be a day that they want
something so badly and it will slip through their fingers, or there will be a
sport they are convinced they are great at and the coach doesn’t agree. It will happen. My heart
already breaks because I’ve seen how sometimes these crushing blows knock
people right off the trajectory they had aligned themselves on. My hope is that my sons have the ability and the perspective to realize that sometimes the trajectory
needed to change.
When I think about life, of course I wish that I could skip
the pain. I hate it. I hate feeling out of control (control and me are like BFFs).
I hate not being able to just get over the feeling of losing out, of not making it. It’s like we are never suppose to
feel the burn of rejection or mourn the loss of a dream. I just think that’s
ridiculous! If you had a hope (and we are told constantly to "Aim for the
stars"), and it doesn’t come to fruition and you’ve poured blood, sweat, and
tears into it, then it hurts when it doesn’t happen. It is probably more devastating if it is
a relationship or a life goal. We are given little room for the grieving
process.
As I've mentioned before my BFF "Control" and I have this thing called a plan. A 5 year plan, a 20 year plan, a remodeling plan, you name it, I've got a plan for it! So when that planned trajectory is clear in my mind, and something happens to the flight path, I come a little unglued. I think this is where God is definitely pushing me this year, because if I think I am going on this trip of life and I am going to just stay in my comfort zone and have all my hopes and dreams come true just the way I have planned, that doesn't really isn't realistic. But getting knocked out my comfort zone and off of the planned path is no less disappointing and is no less turbulent. We don’t give the same grace to emotional
turbulence as we do to the physical, even though I would argue emotional turbulence can be ten times worse. I think this is true for me mainly because I cannot separate
my thoughts from myself. I can ruminate on that rejection every night for a
long, long time. I have imaginary conversations in my head:
“Brain, please think about nice things, not the awful stuff
that I’ve already lived with all day!”
“Lisa, that is next to impossible because this is ALL you’ve
thought about ALL day!”
“Okay, well I’m going to pray about what I’m thankful for
then and that will do it…Lord, thank you for my family. Thanks for my job, and
my home, but Lord could you please take away this awful pit in my stomach every
time I think about that rejection…DANGGIT!”
And begin the conversation with the brain again.
It’s so hard. We are so intertwined with our wants, desires,
hopes, dreams, thankfulness,and hurt. It’s really hard to separate all of it. If
you are anything like me, you have this invisible audience of the world
watching your every move, enjoying seeing you fail, ready to laugh and shout an
“I told you so!” Maybe there are a few of those out there, but in reality I
have a lot more supporters than I do audience members. And when I really think
about it, the people that matter are there for me no matter what. I just so
easily lose sight of this that so many days are harder than they probably need
to be.
I’ve been fortunate in this life to be able to reflect on
those rejections (since I still like to carry them around with me). I see that
they may have made up a broken road, but it lead to many good things. And I
have to remember that sometimes I have to accept the sidetrack to really put a
fire back in my belly, or maybe the rejection is a chance to sort out what really is
important in life. I know that writing, and for an audience greater than what I
currently reach, is hard. There are lots of voices out there making noise and I
have to be clear in what I’m saying or it just drowns in with the hum. This
last submission rejection just means I have to study my material better. It means I have to write,
write, and write some more. I know that a lot of people have gone years on end with
hearing, “No, you're not what we are looking for,” and then when they figure out their niche, it clicks.
What I leave you with is this: we are all in this together.
You with your rejection and me with mine. We don’t need to fix the rejection,
we can all just sit here with it together and figure out our next moves. Maybe we
can even motivate ourselves to try again, especially if it’s something we really want. I
see these rejections as an opportunity to realize that this life is not going
to be perfect and if I want something, I have to work for it, or let it go, or
realize it is not right for me at this time in my life. What I cannot do is let it overcome me. I cannot let it define every day, every moment of my significance.
Because the truth is, there are opportunities all around and if I’m not paying
attention, the path that is started by a rejection may be one that was better than the planned path. And those might be the ones that could be the biggest
life-changers of them all!
No comments:
Post a Comment