New Year's Revolution

I remember setting up an elaborate seating arrangement that included a large wooden desk chair, a booster seat and some pillows. I faced it out my large bedroom window. Mind you, this was at the tender age of 4 or 5. It was from this makeshift throne that I started a conversation with God. It's interesting looking back how I just sensed this God that I heard about in Sunday School and that my Grandmother would talk about with us as she babysat my sister and I. I didn't have any concept of the ride I would take with the Divine at that young age, and of course how could I? The world really hadn't had a chance to rear it's ugly, dark head.

As I grew up, I went to church camp, became a believer (looking back, I wonder if my moment was really in that chair at the window), and starting living my life for Christ. That's something that may not come too hard for a older elementary student, but the burden seemed placed on me as now I was suppose to share this faith. I'm not a person who has ever felt like I needed to push my beliefs on others and now I feel that it's imperative that I do not push anyone into believing. But somewhere in the early stages of my faith journey, that was what I was told needed to happen. I really didn't have a great story that I felt was profound in any way. Most of my friends had some connection to church and my family was all pretty religious. I didn't really want to be responsible for converting anybody.

Then I grew up and moved away. I realized that my idyllic little Christian bubble was not going to work for the greater world who had been hurt by Bible-beaters, people who used their faith to wield power, and then there were the intellectuals who knew more Bible verses than I did, and had a counterpoint to everything I held as true. Funny, but while all this discontent raged in my mind, my heart and soul remembered those conversations between God and a 4-year-old girl. And then I met other people struggling and wondering about how faith belonged in a world where people would rather choose a side than find a middle ground. Maybe the best thing anyone has ever said to me was that while I was struggling with this burden of converting people, I had forgotten that the world already had a Savior. It wasn't my job to prove anything to them, instead it was my job to show them that a living God lived in me, and His preferred method of life is through love.

This has spurred a revolution to my old way of approaching this world. I no longer feel that I have show people the sin in their life and force a conversion (whew! I'm glad God resolved that idea, because I was freaked out by it!), and instead, I am only called to go to the ends of the earth and show love. That means I take part in the struggles of this world. I stand up for those that don't have a voice: the poor, the communities that are being discriminated against because of their skin color or their sexual orientation, women who are downtrodden by manipulation of their families or partners, and children who do not have access to the things that my kids take for granted.

I hope I cannot be grouped into a category because I'm for everyone in this life, I'm for God's love being shown to anyone who needs it. Liberal, conservative, alcoholic, perfectionist, we all know tragedy, we all know hardships. I cannot live like I'm in this life for myself, because if I take Jesus' words as truth, that I have to go out and make disciples, then I have to leave my usual haunts and step into places that God doesn't show up too often. Does that petrify me? Yup! Then I realize that God's asking me to trust in Him, that's where the "Do Not Fear" stuff comes in. On my own, I'm toast. But through God all things are possible. I've seen that more as I put trust in this invisible One who each day brings a new dawn. He who has given me perspective during a very trying year. He who allows me to travel to places that others pass by because of fear. And I am so grateful because the thing about God's love is that when I trust that He loves everyone just as much as He loves me, I see that love too. It's a comfort and it's addictive. I can no longer be all about me doing God's work because God is already there.

So this year, I'm not making any resolutions, because I tend to not keep those very long. This year I'm committing to this silent revolution, the "Irresistible Revolution" as Shane Claiborne calls it. One that shows God's love is bigger than politics, or individual nations, and most certainly, it's bigger than me. Life may throw a few thousand curveballs my way, and loving people who do a crappy job of loving me or even liking me stinks, but I'm ready, because I trust that love conquers all. And even if I'm wrong, I'm willing to err on the side of love every time.