Leaving the Kids Behind

Brad made it really clear that he wanted me to join him in California for his last young ministers retreat in September. I quickly came up with a thousand excuses in my head, "We'll have to find someone to watch the kids. I'll have to take off some hard-earned hours from work. The time change will be exhausting!" I mean, these were real thoughts! I have a hard time taking a break, no matter how much I need one. I think breaks are somewhat frowned upon in a way. It means you stopped being supermom, superworker, supercleaner of the universe. But the truth is we all need a break and we weren't made to go, go, go 24/7/365.

Maybe the easiest and most compelling excuse is that of the children. It's hard leaving kids behind because, well, I know what living with my kids is like and honestly to subject someone else to them for multiple days on end, truly makes me fear that we will blow through our potential babysitters in a few short breaths. Then we will never get a break! Yet, it was never so apparent that we needed a break from these little lovelies than one morning when we had had an incredibly long night (I'm not sure how many beds I had slept in), it had been probably 4 days since an adult conversation that lasted more than 10 minutes was had, and Brad was just going to kiss me while we had 5 seconds alone in the kitchen while breakfast was toasting. It was like we had set off the invisible radar our children some how possess because as I remember it, the closer he leaned in the faster the sound of feet approached. Isaiah didn't say much, just came into the kitchen and let out an ear-piercing shriek of "EEEEHHH!" So much for that! A quick peck on the cheek and we were back to Mommy and Daddy!

We stress to our children the importance that Mommy and Daddy have our time, but they just don't get it! We actually have to tell the boys we are going to a meeting when we head out on a date because they (maybe just Isaiah), go ballistic. My guess is he will soon realize that I don't really clean up as nicely for actual meetings as I do on dates, but then again, he does possess the XY genes and this may not cross his mind for years. All this being said, I'm not sure why I wasn't jumping on the next plane to Timbuktu to be with my husband!

I'm a good at prioritizing daily life things, but in the grand scheme of life, sometimes, a lot of times, I miss the forest for the trees. I needed a break from the kids, the kids needed a break from me. I needed to spend a full day with my husband without having to wipe a bottom, stay up past my bedtime because I'm a responsible adult, and my CHILDREN ARE STILL AWAKE! I needed to have a conversation that didn't end in a whiny request that was completely absurd. I needed a break from work. And most importantly, I needed to be reminded how good being married to someone I genuinely love and have fun with is!

Leaving the kids behind is not going to send them to therapy for years.  In fact, it will probably save them some. "Doctor, I don't know what happened. All I know is one day when I was four and my brother was 2, I was upset about the 4th pair of underwear my mother had pick out that morning and she literally ran out of the house screaming and pulling her hair out!" Yes. let's get some perspective here! This trip allowed me to read a book, sit alone in silence for 5 hours, have consecutive meals with my husband, talk about the future and goals, say I love you without shrieks heard in the background, and yes, we even kissed without children showing up! I needed this. I had so completely convinced myself  that I didn't, that I felt like I was betraying someone by even agreeing to get on a plane.

I was betraying someone. It was myself. It was my marriage. And it is so easy to do this. I didn't need to fly across country to get a break (but I'm sure glad I did!). The break is what was needed. Our culture doesn't know how to break. We are still connected even when we go away. We can easily allow ourselves to wrap up in the busy-ness that we never break free of it. Marriages fail because we can't make time for them. Fortunately, I have a good marriage and listen when Brad thinks something is important. P.S. He's usually right!

Some of you need to leave the kids behind. Or maybe that's not your stronghold, maybe it's your job, or your current situation. Whatever it is, break from it for a moment. Have a minute to just be quiet. If you are anything like me, that is extremely difficult. My brain doesn't just quit because I want it to. But sometimes when I'm not in the middle of chaos, I can get some clarity on the bajillion things that seem to be so important all the time. So if you will excuse me, I now have to pack to go back to the wonderful blessings. I appreciate them so much more and now have a better, stronger relationship with my partner in crime to go face potty-training, several changes of underwear each morning, swallowing unknown amounts of change, and sleeping with little feet in my back. These are the moments. I wouldn't change them for anything, but sometimes it's good to take a break!